Study Finds People Who Enjoy Energy Drinks Are The Biggest Assholes

You know that guy from school who you occasionally see out at a club double fisting vodka Red Bulls? He’s the same guy who hates coffee and loves drinking those novelty sized Mother energy drinks every morning. You know the one, right? He always shares Lad Bible articles and gets into arguments on the internet with people he’s never met, then ends up saying something borderline racist.

Anyway, turns out a study published in Health Psychology has established a connection between energy drink consumption and the likelihood of being an asshole (or thereabouts).

The study gathered 467 male participants between the ages of 18 and 62 (with a median age of 23) and asked them a series of questions. The study, titled ‘Moderated mediation of the relationships between masculinity ideology, outcome expectations, and energy drink use’, then found a high correlation between backward views (like ‘homosexuals should never marry’) and a affinity for energy drinks.

The final conclusion was as followed:

The present study adds to the literature on potential negative health implications of the endorsement of traditional masculinity ideology by offering a link between predictors of energy drink use (masculinity ideology, outcome expectations) and health outcomes of energy drink use (e.g., sleep disturbance). (PsycINFO Database Record

The findings aren’t exactly surprising. The average energy drink commercial features a young, healthy white male, usually engaging in some kind of extreme sport, with the kicker being an attractive female seemingly in awe of his abilities/talent/general good looks. That overtly specific targeting means a particular kind of person is drinking energy drinks, and therefore personality indicators of said person would be similar across the board.

Now44News spoke with the lead author of the study, Ronald Levant, a psychology professor at the University of Akron. “They no longer wonder whether they’re masculine enough, or they wonder less, and they therefore have less need to prove it,” Levant said.

“I think the message men are getting is that if you’re a young, white heterosexual male, energy drinks are for you.”

Of course, being an asshole aside, energy drinks aren’t exactly great for your heart.