Just when you thought the drug problem in United States could not get any worse, law enforcement officials are now reporting incidents of high grade marijuana users not only overdosing but also turning gay.
“We’ve never seen anything like this before,” said Dr. Hans Vermhat of the Barrow Neurological Institute. “The drug addicts are smoking a new strain of marijuana that changes the chemical makeup in the brain’s receptors which control the users like or dislike of the opposite sex; ultimately turning them into a flaming homosexual.”
Michele Leonhart, DEA chief of operations told ABC news that marijuana related problems in United States have quadrupled since its legalization a little over three years ago.
“The idea of 100% marijuana legalization all throughout this great country is reckless, irresponsible and to simplify my response down to its most simplest answer; absolutely bird-brained,” – Leonhard
“This new gay marijuana that I am referring to, AKA ‘HOMO 69’, well frankly, it scares us. There are good, clean-living, straight kids out there that because of this evil drug are suddenly transformed into gay, perverted, masturbating space demons. How much longer do politicians need to keep this deadly experiment going before the universe implodes on itself?”
Local resident, 37-year-old Paul Horner, told Now44News details of his horrifying experience while loaded on the drug.
“Right after I finished smoking the stuff I knew something was terribly wrong,” Horner said. “My friend Dave, who I don’t even really like, well, we were so high from this stuff, we started making out and giving each other B-J’s. I used to like girls, I swear!” Horner suddenly breaks down in tears, “I wish I would have never became addicted to drugs because I don’t like lady naughty parts anymore, I only like ding-dongs!”
Leonhart finished by telling Colorado residents what to be on the lookout for in order to help keep your family safe.
“I urge the great people of United States to be on the lookout for ‘HOMO 69’, the sharing of spliffs and especially gay stoners. These potheads don’t care if they turn gay or not, all they care about is getting their next fix”.